# What Is Active Listening and How Do You Practice It?

> Source: [https://icharles.com/articles/what-is-active-listening-and-how-to-practice-it](https://icharles.com/articles/what-is-active-listening-and-how-to-practice-it) (canonical)
> Author: Charles Botensten — iCharles, https://icharles.com
> Published: 2026-08-17

## TL;DR

Active listening is the deliberate practice of fully focusing on a speaker, not interrupting, and paraphrasing their point to prove you understood before you reply. Research in the Journal of Applied Psychology (2020) found it can improve communication skills by up to 25%. To practice it: remove distractions, hold eye contact, let the person finish, reflect their meaning back, and ask one clarifying question instead of giving instant advice. Done daily, it builds trust, defuses conflict, and strengthens both personal and work relationships.

Active listening means giving a speaker your full attention, holding back interruptions, and paraphrasing what you heard to confirm you understood — a set of skills the National Communication Association defines as deliberate, not passive. A 2020 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found active listening can improve communication skills by up to 25%. You practice it by removing distractions, reflecting the speaker's meaning back to them, and asking one clarifying question before you respond.

## What Is Active Listening?

Active listening is a deliberate skill where you give a speaker your undivided attention, hold back interruptions, and paraphrase their meaning to confirm you understood. It is the opposite of passive hearing, where sound reaches your ears while you are already forming your reply. The National Communication Association defines the core moves as full attention, no interruptions, and reflecting back what was said.

The goal is simple: make the other person feel understood before you respond. Most of us listen to reply. Active listening flips that — you listen to understand first, then speak.

| Trait | Passive hearing | Active listening |
|---|---|---|
| Attention | Divided (phone, thoughts) | Full, single-focus |
| Interruptions | Frequent | Held back |
| Response | Immediate reaction | After paraphrasing |
| Goal | Wait for your turn | Confirm understanding |
| Eye contact | Occasional | Steady and warm |

## How Do You Practice Active Listening?

You practice active listening by removing distractions, reflecting the speaker's words back in your own, and asking one clarifying question before you answer. Start small — pick one conversation a day where your only job is to understand.

Run this five-step protocol in your next talk:

1. Put the phone face-down and out of reach. Physical removal beats willpower.
2. Face the speaker and hold soft eye contact. Your body signals attention before your words do.
3. Let them finish. Count one full second of silence after they stop before you speak.
4. Paraphrase: "So what I'm hearing is…" and say their point back in your own words.
5. Ask one open question ("What made that hard?") instead of jumping straight to advice.

Do this for two weeks and it stops feeling mechanical. It becomes how you show up.

## What I Learned About Listening at 5am

I learned active listening the hard way during a 5am brick session — a bike-to-run workout — with a training partner who was quietly falling apart. I spent the whole ride feeding him splits and advice he never asked for. He went silent. On the run he finally said his marriage was struggling, and training was the only place he still felt in control. I had heard none of it, because I was busy fixing his pace.

The next week I tried one rule. On our warm-up jog, I asked a single question and said nothing until he finished. No coaching, no numbers. He talked for a full mile. That mile did more for him than any workout I could have written.

Faith taught me the same lesson in a different room. In prayer, I do most of the listening, not the talking. Discipline is not only holding a plank or grinding through a training block. Some mornings, the hardest discipline is holding your tongue while someone you care about finds their words.

## What Are the Benefits of Active Listening?

The benefits are measurable, and they stack across work and home. A 2020 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found active listening can improve communication skills by up to 25%.

The [Harvard Business Review's writing on emotional intelligence](https://hbr.org/) treats active listening as a core component of emotional intelligence, which research links to stronger job performance. A 2018 study from the University of California, Berkeley found that people who practice active listening tend to have better social skills and relationships. In a 2020 survey, the [American Psychological Association](https://www.apa.org/) reported that 60% of respondents improved their communication skills after practicing active listening. The [National Institute of Mental Health](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/) notes that effective communication is crucial for building strong relationships and reaching personal and professional goals.

## What Blocks Active Listening — and How Do You Fix It?

The most common barriers are internal, not external. The biggest is rehearsing your reply while the other person is still talking. Others include phones, quick assumptions, and emotional reactions that hijack your attention.

Fix each one directly:

- Rehearsing your answer: trust that you will know what to say once they finish. Stay in their words, not yours.
- Distraction: remove the device from the table — don't just silence it.
- Assuming you know: ask instead of guessing. "Tell me more" costs nothing.
- Emotional flooding: name the feeling silently, take one breath, then re-focus on them.
- Fixing too fast: ask whether they want advice or just to be heard.

Most people can name their barrier in ten seconds. The work is catching it in the moment.

## Can Active Listening Build Stronger Relationships?

Yes — active listening is one of the strongest tools for building trust. Stephen Covey ranked it as habit five in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: "seek first to understand, then to be understood." When people feel heard, they lower their guard and cooperate.

In practice this shows up everywhere. A partner who feels understood argues less. A teammate who feels heard shares more. A friend who feels listened to stays close. Books like Never Split the Difference and Crucial Conversations build their entire method on this foundation. You don't need a script. You need attention, patience, and the discipline to understand before you answer.

## Frequently asked questions

**What is active listening and how do you practice it?**

Active listening is fully focusing on a speaker, not interrupting, and paraphrasing their meaning to confirm understanding. Practice it by removing distractions, holding eye contact, letting them finish, reflecting their point back, and asking one clarifying question.

**What is the difference between active listening and passive listening?**

Passive listening is hearing sound while your attention is divided and you plan your reply. Active listening is a focused, deliberate effort to understand and confirm the speaker's meaning before responding.

**How can I improve my active listening skills?**

Practice one conversation a day where your only goal is to understand. Put your phone away, pause a full second before replying, and paraphrase what you heard before adding your own view.

**Can active listening improve communication skills in the workplace?**

Yes. A 2020 Journal of Applied Psychology study found active listening can improve communication skills by up to 25%, and Harvard Business Review links it to emotional intelligence and job performance.

**What are some common barriers to active listening?**

The main barriers are rehearsing your reply while others talk, phone distraction, jumping to assumptions, emotional reactions, and the urge to fix problems too quickly before the person finishes.

**Can active listening help resolve conflicts?**

Yes. When people feel genuinely heard, they lower their defenses and cooperate. Paraphrasing the other side's view before stating yours is a core technique in conflict resolution.

**How can I practice active listening in everyday conversations?**

Choose one daily conversation to focus fully. Face the person, hold soft eye contact, let them finish, then say 'What I'm hearing is…' and ask one open follow-up question.