# Love 2.0 by Barbara Fredrickson: The Chapter That Hit Me Hardest > Source: [https://icharles.com/articles/love-2-0-by-barbara-fredrickson-the-chapter-that-hit-me-hardest](https://icharles.com/articles/love-2-0-by-barbara-fredrickson-the-chapter-that-hit-me-hardest) (canonical) > Author: Chuck — iCharles, https://icharles.com > Published: 2019-05-06 · Updated: 2026-07-07 ## Why I even picked this up I've cut way back on who I let into my head. No more Grant Cardone, no more Gary Vaynerchuk. My input list right now is short: mostly books, a little audio, and Brian Johnson's Optimize almost daily. Brian's the guy who's actually become the best version of himself, not just talked about it, so when he kept bringing up Barbara Fredrickson's "Love 2.0" I paid attention. Brian breaks it into a scale: Love 0.0 is loving yourself first. Love 1.0 is your immediate circle, parents, siblings, spouse, kids if you have them. Love 2.0 is everyone else, strangers, acquaintances, the general public. That 2.0 layer is the one I was missing, and I didn't know it until chapter one. ## The triathlon backstory Earlier this year I hired a triathlon coach and it rebuilt my whole schedule. We're talking 15 to 20 hours a week now. This morning alone was a 45-minute strength class and an hour and a half in the pool tonight. I still have deals to close, meals to plan, books to read. Every hour has to earn its spot. Here's the part nobody warns you about: triathlon training is lonely. Even if you train in a group, you're still alone with your own heart rate monitor while everyone else's pace drifts off from yours. My daytime hours are full of people too, I'm in sales, but those conversations have an agenda. We're trying to get a deal done. That's not connection, that's business with a smile on it. Something was off and I couldn't name it. Then I opened chapter one. ## Chapter 1 hit like a gut punch: Longing Fredrickson opens with longing, and the description stopped me cold. That ache that something vital is missing. A thirst for more meaning, more connection, more energy, and you can't point to what exactly. She's clear it's not abstract, it's physical, like your body is craving a nutrient it isn't getting. What got me was her next move. She points out that your food is abundant, your water is clean, your air is fine, your shelter is solid. Those needs are met. What you're actually longing for is intangible. I got goosebumps reading that line because it's exactly what everyone around me is circling without saying it, all the noise about automation, universal basic income, "should I chase my passion or just work the job." People aren't actually confused about the answer. They're numbing the real question with gaming, texting, wine, food, even exercise, which is exactly what I was doing. ## What I actually took and use: better questions I hate surface-level talk. I've hated it for years, and I started dialing in how to ask real questions probably seven or eight years ago, well before I read this book. Fredrickson gave me the science behind why it matters, but the practice itself came from that Love 2.0 definition: it's not FaceTime, it's not gaming with someone online, it's an actual conversation that goes somewhere. Take someone who just ran a marathon. Most people ask "how'd it feel" and move on. I ask different things: - Did you use gel? Did you carry a water backpack? - What was the weather and how much elevation? - How many runners were out there, and are you happy with your time? - Are you signing up for another one? That's the whole trick. You're not performing curiosity, you're actually curious, and people feel the difference immediately. I've also got a bit I run with anyone having a long, tiring shift, the barista, the cashier, whoever. When they ask what I want, I say "a double bacon cheeseburger" with a completely straight face, even at Starbucks. It gets a laugh every time and it breaks the tension in the air for both of us. That's a two-second version of Love 2.0. ## How I track it Every morning I run a checklist before I start my day, and "Love 2.0" is a line item on it, right next to "leave my phone at work" and "deep work session 1." I check it off or I don't, and because I track it I can see how many real conversations I'm actually having per week, per month, per year. Numbers don't lie the way memory does. It's also shaped how I think about hosting events down the road. No phones, physical activity built in, maybe a 45-minute window if someone genuinely needs to check in on something urgent. Otherwise you're there, present, in the conversation. ## Who should read it I won't tell you to go buy this book unless you've felt that specific ache, the one I had earlier this year that I couldn't name until chapter one named it for me. If you're deep in a solo grind right now, training for something, building something, and your relationships have quietly gone transactional, read that first chapter. It's worth the price of the book on its own. The rest is useful, but chapter one is the reason I'm still talking about this months later.